TO BE OR NOT TO BE...... T* * * S

Ashley Cole has committed the grievous crime of “Tweeting” that the “FA are a bunch of twats” or to be more exact, in it’s actual grammatical context, “Hahahahaa, well done #fa I lied did I, #BUNCHOFTWATS.”  

Let us start by considering Mr. Cole’s hypothesis.  The FA appear to be obsessed with minor misdemeanors such as in the Terry incident, expensively pursuing a case that had already been rejected in a court of law and instead retrying it kangaroo style.  Meanwhile what of the real issues: unsuitable, ultra-rich foreign owners taking over our clubs, the ridiculous wages being paid to the bladder kickers whilst the cost of tickets rocket, excluding the ordinary citizen from games, and the excess of oversees players in our leagues And what is the Association doing about these.  FA.  One to Mr Cole I think!

BACC TO THE FUTURE

Following the announcement by the omnipresent Michael Gove that the GCSE examination will be replaced by the English Baccalaureate or Eng Bacc, Ed Miliband,not to be outdone, has announced that Labour will introduce the Technical Baccalaureate or Tech Bacc if they win the next General Election. 

 These could be the first of several new qualifications such as those developed for the Retail Sector (The Money Bacc.), the Theatre (the Play Bacc.), Australian Studies ( the Out Bacc.), Classical Music (the J.S.Bacc) and Politics (Watch yer Bacc.)

THE WRONG TROUSERS

With the policies of Labour and The Conservatives so similar that it is impossible to distinguish between them, commentators have turned instead to characterising the party leaders and comparing them to well-known cartoon characters, old-Etonian, David Cameron to Lord Snooty,with his upper-class pals, and Ed Miliband to Aardman’s Wallace.  When asked what he thought of this portrayal Milliband replied “ It's just a bit of fun, lad. Now, fancy a nice piece of Wensleydale?”

HERE'S ONE I DREW EARLIER

Benjamin Netanyahu told the UN that time was running out  to stop  the Iranian uranium enrichment programme, demonstrating the point with an illustration of a bomb.  He said the Iranians  would have a nuclear bomb within a year.  Undoubtedly true, but it is likely to be the Israeli airforce  that drops it on them.

FOUR LETTER WORD

The police log of the Andrew Mitchell “pleb” incident has been published in full in The Daily Telegraph.  The question is not whether Mr Mitchell swore at the officer or used the word “pleb” but far more important is how the confidential police records came into the hands of the press.

DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

If you abuse a policemen by allegedly calling him a “pleb” your resignation is demanded, if you make a racial slur against an opponent on the football field you are suspended for several matches and if you participate in homophobic chanting as part of a crowd your club receives a heavy fine.  However, if you deliberately produce a tacky film that insults millions of members of one of the world’s major religions, leading to mayhem and death, you get nothing.  Obviously only some speech is free.

MY GOVE, I THINK HE'S GOT IT ....

It is part of the human condition that we can only see the problems with a current system and the advantages of a proposed new system.  Enter Michael Gove with his English Baccalaureate Certificate or “Gove levels” with a single end of course exam and no course work and retakes.  Just like the old “O levels” they penalise those who do badly in the highly artificial final exam situation, are dependent on how the student feels on a particular day and offer nothing to the less academic.  What is not generally realised is that they also have a hidden form of selection in that only students who can spell “English Baccalaureate Certificate” will be allowed to participate.