STAMP OF DISAPPROVAL

After the petrol  panic, we now have the stamp panic (aka the Stampede).  With the forthcoming large price increases, the public are flocking to their Post Offices and web sites, to purchase and stockpile first and second class stamps.   These will then be stored in safe places and be lost forever, thus giving the Royal Mail an unexpected bonus.  But what has caused this problem?  The answer:  the regulator, Ofcom.  By stopping the Royal Mail charging commercial rates over the years, when the increase has been made, it has been unusually large.  So the Stampede continues and stocks are becoming exhausted.  I’d write to Ofcom and complain, but I can’t buy a stamp anywhere.

THIS WON'T HURT ....POSSIBLY

Physiotherapists in Rushliffe, Nottinghamshire, have been told not to use manipulation or touch patients in future, but to talk to them instead. This will reduce waiting lists and allow more patients to be seen.  Following the success of this creative and innovative approach, ambulance crews won’t take the injured to hospital, police will not apprehend criminals and orthopaedic surgeons will no longer set bones.   The Inland Revenue and traffic wardens will, of course, operate as usual.

TWICE AS NICE

It gives you a warm glow to know that you live in a country that believes in the principles of true justice and will not send wrong doers to countries that use torture.  As a result of this, Abu Qatada remains amongst us, despite his history of incitement.

How strange therefore that we are willing, some may say eager, to extradite to the USA (under legislation which we were told was anti-terrorist legistration) Gary McKinnon for hacking US military computers, looking for evidence of UFOs, and the Nat West Three for a UK-based fraud. Let us remind ourselves that it is the same USA that gave us “water boarding" and “extraordinary rendition”, or as they are otherwise known torture and torture by proxy.

To have standards is good, presumably to have double standards is twice as good!

NOW YOU SEE THEM .....

From today, any large store or supermarket selling cigarettes or tobacco products must hide them from view, conjuring up a vision of a sort of addicts' Easter egg hunt.
 But why stop there!  What about all the other harmful products?  Booze, sweets, crisps, high fat burgers, salt-laden processed meals etc.etc. Our supermarkets would become rows and rows of shelves (other than those containing fruit and veg) covered in sheets, with customers burying beneath them like demented moles. Now, not only would you not be able to find products cheaper elsewhere, you wouldn't be able to find them at all!

SURPRISE,SURPRISE

A report today has revealed that corruption is widespread in Italian football.  In the true spirit of the release of this bombshell, here are some more significant facts.  The seas are wet, space is enormous and the Pope is catholic......all information supplied by the Society for the Bleedin' Obvious.

SACREBLUE

It is said that President Cristina Fernández of Argentina has raised the Falklands issue to divert attention away from her domestic problems. By claiming ownership of a small group of islands 290 mile off the Argentine coast she hopes the people will ignore their dire financial state.  Nicolas Sarkozy is also in trouble domestically and the British Isles are only 21 miles from France.  Better brush up the old school French, folks.

WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE

With the 30th anniversary of the Falklands (sorry Las Malvinas) war upon us, President Cristina Fernández has gone on the verbal attack again.  It is obvious that a small British, English-speaking colony, 8000 miles from home should not exist. Perhaps the irony of the fact that she delivered the address in Spanish has escaped her.  We were all occupiers, the difference is merely when.