HERE'S ONE I DREW EARLIER

Benjamin Netanyahu told the UN that time was running out  to stop  the Iranian uranium enrichment programme, demonstrating the point with an illustration of a bomb.  He said the Iranians  would have a nuclear bomb within a year.  Undoubtedly true, but it is likely to be the Israeli airforce  that drops it on them.

FOUR LETTER WORD

The police log of the Andrew Mitchell “pleb” incident has been published in full in The Daily Telegraph.  The question is not whether Mr Mitchell swore at the officer or used the word “pleb” but far more important is how the confidential police records came into the hands of the press.

DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

If you abuse a policemen by allegedly calling him a “pleb” your resignation is demanded, if you make a racial slur against an opponent on the football field you are suspended for several matches and if you participate in homophobic chanting as part of a crowd your club receives a heavy fine.  However, if you deliberately produce a tacky film that insults millions of members of one of the world’s major religions, leading to mayhem and death, you get nothing.  Obviously only some speech is free.

MY GOVE, I THINK HE'S GOT IT ....

It is part of the human condition that we can only see the problems with a current system and the advantages of a proposed new system.  Enter Michael Gove with his English Baccalaureate Certificate or “Gove levels” with a single end of course exam and no course work and retakes.  Just like the old “O levels” they penalise those who do badly in the highly artificial final exam situation, are dependent on how the student feels on a particular day and offer nothing to the less academic.  What is not generally realised is that they also have a hidden form of selection in that only students who can spell “English Baccalaureate Certificate” will be allowed to participate.

RIGHTEOUS ANGER

Violent protests have swept the Muslim world amid widespread anger over a film produced in the USA.  The film, a cheap, poorly acted, inflammatory, offensive piece of tat was released on YouTube, where it would have wallowed in obscurity, had attention not been drawn to it by the Islamic response.  Angry Muslim extremists complain that the film dishonours the prophet and shows his followers as bloodthirsty and murderous. The uprisings mounted against this wicked slander have resulted in the deaths of over a dozen people, including US ambassador in Benghazi, Chris Stevens.  QED.

THE TRUTH

The Hillsborough disaster report has been published today and it is not happy reading for the authorities. Like many others, I have criticised the representatives of the victims for their 23 years of non-acceptance of the official version of events.  They were right and I was wrong!  I am truly sorry. Not that that is of any importance to those involved..

Although the report is one and a half inches thick, within minutes of publication, analysts were able to comment on its content.

However, it would appear that the following information is correct:

·               The Hillsborough ground was unsafe and did not have a safety certificate.

·               The cause of the problem was not drunkenness, or fans without tickets, as alleged by the police, but failure of policing. People are human, even policemen, and mistakes can occur….that is not the crime.

·              Police and Ambulance service records were altered to support this claim 

       ( that is a crime!)

·            Victims were written off and allowed to die, when clinical information showed they could have survived. ( that would appear to be clinical negligence).

·            Attempts were made to vilify the supporters.  Blood samples were taken from the dead for alcohol analysis, including from a ten year old boy. (that is sick)         

       The Sun, an alleged newspaper, issued a condemnation of the Liverpool fans the following day, based on unsupported evidence, under the heading “The Truth”. ( that is “The Sun”)

 The old Soviet Union would have approved of the cover-up and the rewriting of history, and as for the Sun, Pravda, the official newspaper of the Soviet Communist party, noted for its manipulation of the facts, would have been proud of you.  By the way, “Pravda” in Russian means “The Truth”.

I thought that we lived in a democracy, with a free, elected and open government.   Another vodka, Demetre?

A HORSE, A HORSE ...

1. Archaeologists, digging in a car park in Leicester, have unearthed human remains, possibly those of Richard IIIrd.  The investigators said that they were following a hunch, but should the DNA analysis prove negative, it will lead to discontent this winter.

KEEPING UP APPEARANCES

Glenys Stacey, the head of Ofqual, has admitted that she applied pressure to to one of England's biggest exam boards Edexcel  to alter its GCSE English boundaries to avoid grade inflation.  This was done in order to maintain standards in English examinations. A spokesperson for Ofqual  reportedly stated “We gotta keep up gud standards, evry year,innit!”  

LORD ABOVE!

Now that the Olympic and Paralympic Games are over and have been an outstanding success, the talk is of honours for the athletes involved.  But what of the organisers and in particular Lord Coe, who has headed up the whole enterprise, and where do you go if you already are a Lord?  I can now exclusively reveal that Lord Coe is  to be promoted to "God".  This honour will convey upon him the powers of omnipotence and omnipresence but will mean that he has to avoid Richard Dawkins, who will be determined to prove that he doesn’t exist.

ALL CHANGE

Shortly after returning from the Summer hols, David Cameron has undertaken a reshuffle of his cabinet.  Why a reshuffle I hear you cry, why not just a shuffle? One shuffle is not enough, it has to be an iterative process, as more and more potential candidates turn down job offers. To give but a few examples, indicating the quality of this whole exercise, Jeremy Hunt has taken over the Health portfolio following his previous success of hanging on to his job by the skin of his teeth, Grant Shapps, whoever he is, becomes co-chairman of the Tory Party and Ken Clarke, one of the few Tories with real experience and gravitas, is put in charge of nothing in particular.  Goves keeps Education which should portend the end of civilisation as we know it.  The whole sad enterprise has been likened to rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic.  Wrong!  Deckchairs do have a use.

YOUR STARTER FOR TEN

The Paralympics are upon us, where the lame, deformed, damaged and mentally challenged perform heroic sporting feats …… but why restrict this concept to sporting events?  Why not have Para quiz shows?  Several leap to  mind. ‘Just a Minute’ for stammerers, ‘Countdown’ for sufferers of dyslexia or dyscalculia and ‘Ready, Steady Cook’ for ageusia sufferers ….. although on second thoughts in the case of ‘Ready, Steady,Cook’ ageusia may be regarded as an advantage.